Summer Holidays/ Deep Thoughts

The time I’ve had off from university has given me PLENTY of time to reflect, and think about some things. I’ve become quite adept at being in “deep thought”,

I don’t tend to talk much so, that leaves more than enough room and time for thoughts to swirl around in my head. This had led to me staring into space more often than usual or “being in my own world” as people I know have told me.

My thoughts haven’t been negative, but they have opened my eyes to a couple of things that I haven’t noticed or that I have, but haven’t addressed correctly. I’m not getting any younger, and all those “start behaving your age/ act like a man” rants my mother would shove down my throat are starting to have partial rings of truth to them.

Questions I’ve been asked frequently are: “Are you okay” “What’s up with you” “You’ve changed, what’s happened“.

The truth is: I’m okay, I’m great even. Nothing is UP with me, I’m Gucci. Nothing has happened and I don’t think I’ve changed at all. I’ve been too reactive in the past. Determining my actions and feelings on the actions and feelings of others. This goes hand in hand with some of my friendships, as well as a handful of the romantic relationships I’ve had. Being more than willing to overlook violations and mistreatment, for whatever reason. I’m not too sure why anymore.

I guess I could blame my forgiving nature as well as my big heart. I don’t particularily enjoy confrontation or making others feel uncomfortable. However, there has to be a line. One that separates being a good human and being a wallad.

Anyway, moving on. Gym has been a great way for me to clear my head and keep myself busy. When I don’t necessarily have anything else to do. The best £16 a month I think I’ll ever spend. Going to the gym regularly really does have an positive effect on other aspects of your life. Even if its just a 20min session on the treadmill. That is still something.

What I’m trying to say is I’m done entertaining half ass things in life. Furthermore, anything and anyone that doesn’t add value and/or purpose to the life I want to life, then I’m not interested. You see this statment alot on social media and in movies but I didn’t actaully process it till recently. It was something like those epiphany moments you see in films where the protagonists go on to turn their life around for the better.

Hopefully, I’m embarking on a similar journey

Signing out ✌️🏿

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